Synic Spins: Appetite v Van Halen: The Greatest Debut Record in Rock History

Okay, here is something that has been debated time and time again since the late 80s. Who had the greatest debut album in the history of rock n roll? Now we could go back decades, hell, even a whole century and analyze every artist, every debut record ever, but after wasting all that time you're gonna boil it down to two options: Van Halen's Van Halen, and Guns N' Roses' Appetite For Destruction. I know what you might be thinking right about now, "Wha?! Led Zeppelin's first record doesn't even get mentioned?" No, no it doesn't. Shut up. Anyway, in this debate I'll be comparing VH and GNR's debut records as shallowly and as deeply as I can, and ultimately I'll be picking a winner when all is said and done. This is something I've toiled with for years, so the time has come for me to finally settle it.

Point 1: The Band Name

Van Halen. Simple, badass, named after two band members. Strong name.

Guns N' Roses. Annoying to type. GNR is a cool way to abbreviate it, though. Named after two of the original members, one of which left before the debut album was even released to kick-off his own band, which he also named after himself. Check out L.A. Guns if you haven't already. Now, the name makes no sense. I guess they decided Slashes N' Roses sounded too much like a Valentine's Day slasher movie.

Edge: Van Halen

Point 2: The Album Art

Van Halen's debut is broken into four squares, with a blurry picture of each member in their own square. The band logo is shown in the center. It's an iconic and recognizable cover, sure, but it also looks like it was hand painted and then left out in the rain.

Guns N' Roses' debut, depending on which cover you're looking at, is equally recognizable and iconic. For the sake of this debate, I'll be considering the more well-known (and censored) cover, which is solid black with the band name and album name each on their own ribbon draped across the top and bottom of the cover, respectively. In the center of the artwork is where things get interesting: theres a large gothic-style cross with the skulls of each band member taking its own place on the cross. Talk about iconic. And a badass tattoo idea, if you're down to clown.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 3: The Album Title

Van Halen's debut record is self-titled, and there's some element of charm to that. Personally, I'm a big fan of when bands name their first album after themselves. Only the first one. If you name a later album after yourself, you're either trying to reinvent yourself (Motley Crue) or you just can't come up with anything better (Weezer). Exception to this rule: Genesis. Some other key examples of great bands doing this are Boston and Bad Company. Fuck you, Led Zeppelin.

Guns N' Roses' debut is titled Appetite For Destruction, which is a super badass title. For anything. However, I do wish their first record was called simply Guns N' Roses, and that they saved A4D for their second or third record. Naming your first record after yourself shows confidence, and you're saying to listeners "Hey, this is who we are, this is who we come from. Remember the name. Like it or don't, we don't care."

Edge: Van Halen

Point 4: Year Of Release

Van Halen was released in 1978, a turning point for hard rock and metal. Appetite was released in 1987, in the mid-late stages of hair metal. That's all I need to say about that.

Edge: Van Halen

Point 5: Covers

Van Halen has 2 covers, out of 11 songs. Appetite has 0 covers, out of 12 songs. You do the math.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 6: Album Length

Van Halen is 11 songs, 36 minutes. Appetite is 12 songs, 54 minutes. That's almost 20 more minutes for the same amount of cash. Again, do the math.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 7: USA Billboard Chart Peak

Van Halen - 19 Guns N' Roses - 1

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 8: Sales To Date (may not be completely accurate)

Van Halen - >17 Million Guns N' Roses - >30 Million

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 9: Career Longevity and Current Standing

Van Halen rose to power and became one of the best-selling rock groups of all time. Then again, so did Guns N' Roses. So how do they compare now? Well let's look at some quick numbers. Total VH studio albums? 12. Total GNR studio albums? 6. One of which is all covers, but we're gonna count that one anyway since VH has doubled GNR's studio activity. Currently, GNR has recently completed one of the highest-selling tours of all time, the Not In This Lifetime Tour. They are also said to be working on a new studio album. Van Halen, however, has been stagnant and sadly declining really since 1998. They have gone through three lead singers and one truly awful studio album from 2007 since then, but that is still more activity than GNR showed in that time. Nowadays, however, with GNR back in the spotlight, where is Van Halen? Eddie's health is sadly deteriorating and the band had to pull the plug on a 2019 summer reunion tour. If they ever see the stage again, who knows. So in a very very painfully close call, I have to give a point somewhere.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 10: Sound Components

Harmonies?
Edge: Van Halen

Overdubs or 'live' recording?
Edge: Van Halen

Vocals?
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Guitars?
Edge: Van Halen

Bass?
Edge: Van Halen

Drums?
Edge: Van Halen

Lyrics?
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Finally, Point 11: Tracklist

Track 1 - Runnin' With The Devil v Welcome To The Jungle
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 2 - Eruption v It's So Easy
Edge: Van Halen

Track 3: You Really Got Me v Nightrain
Edge: Guns N' Roses -This one was really hard for me personally, as one is one of the most known and iconic covers of all time, while the other is a lesser-known hit. However, Nightrain is one of my all-time favorite GNR jams, and You Really Got Me is just a cover after all.

Track 4: Ain't Talkin' Bout Love v Out Ta Get Me
Edge: Van Halen

Track 5: I'm The One v Mr. Brownstone
Edge: Van Halen -Damn, another hard one. These are two of my favorite tracks by these two groups so it was hard to pick one. Ultimately, it came down to the bridge. Bop-badah, shoo-be-do wah...

Track 6: Jamie's Cryin' v Paradise City
Edge: Paradise City -Another close one! Only this time, it's close because these are two massive hits for the bands, and I really dislike both tracks. But I had to pick one. And while I never really cared for Jamie or her problems, Paradise City was my favorite GNR track as a kid, so point GNR.

Track 7: Atomic Punk v My Michelle
Edge: Van Halen

Track 8: Feel Your Love Tonight v Think About You
Edge: Van Halen

Track 9: Little Dreamer v Sweet Child O' Mine
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 10: Ice Cream Man v You're Crazy
Edge: Van Halen -I know what I said before about it being "just a cover after all..." but how forgettable is You're Crazy? I bet you're YouTubing it right now because you can't remember how it goes.

Track 11: On Fire v Anything Goes
Edge: Guns N' Roses -The last close one of these two records. On Fire was (and still is) a fan favorite for many, but I'm not one of those people. They even opened with that track at many of their shows on their first big tour. However, Dave's vocal performance just annoys me after a while on this one. Anything Goes just has a more interesting groove to it. So...
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 12: ......... v Rocket Queen
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Verdict: This is something that has been simmering away on the back burners of my brain for a long time. It's a very close call, and I would hate to know what my life would be like without having heard either of these two albums, but at the end of the day, I have to pick one. I listened to both records today, back to back, and focused on nothing else but the music. While it made working my day job rather difficult, one thing was made clear. And though it is a very quick listen, I have to give my vote for the greatest rock debut to Van Halen's Van Halen. I think I've already said everything there is to say about it, except the fact that Van Halen has become one of my favorite bands of all time since I first heard their songs on the radio. And while GNR will always hold a special place in my heart, there can only be one winner here, and that's the mighty Van Halen.