Let The Sin Begin - Psychosexual

This is something brand new that flew into my radar earlier today. I caught wind of a new project from Jeremy Spencer - the long-time drummer from 5FDP, called Psychosexual. I've been a follower of Jeremy on social media for a while, so the Slipknot-reminiscent-yet-also-dirty band name was not a surprise to me. What was a surprise, however, was the project itself. Psychosexual is a new brand of metal for Jeremy, much more goth in style than 5FDP ever was. And this time, Spencer trades in his drum kit for the microphone, by providing his own smooth and spooky vocals rather than percussion. 

The band's first album, Torch The Faith, has yet to be released, however the band did put out a single just this morning. The debut single is called "Let The Sin Begin" and it is not trying to hold back in its pornographic nature by any means. In fact, many pornstars are featured as dancers in the music video. The whole experience of watching and listening this new group in their first video made me think I was in an alternate reality, where Steel Panther donned black leather and eyeliner instead of leopard-print tights and hairspray. Jeremy quite literally sings about fucking and wiping his love from your chin. How charming.

That said, I did not enjoy the experience in the slightest. Jeremy does prove his musical talents once more, as does his backing band members, however the silly masks, gross lyrics, and macabre style all made for an unfortunate trainwreck that I couldn't help but watch twice. I had to watch it a second time to make sure I didn't imagine the dumpster fire the first time.

Look for Torch The Faith, the debut record from Psychosexual, out soon. I won't be looking for it, but if any die-hard fans of Steel Panther want to disappoint their parents even more, give this one a listen.

Rating: 2.0

Darkness - Stitched Up Heart

In the months before I started doing these reviews, my daily iTunes shuffle (yes, I still use iTunes) was getting pretty stale. I had all the bands that I ever loved, all my favorite songs, but something was missing. I was hungry for something new. At the time I was listening to a lot of female vocalists, including my vintage favorites Joan Jett and Vixen, along with new blood Halestorm, New Years Day, and In This Moment. It was the only thing that would come on my shuffle that I wouldn't immediately skip. So I needed more. A quick "female singers in rock and metal" Google search led me to Stitched Up Heart. Honestly I'm not sure how our paths haven't crossed sooner. They spent last spring opening for Sebastian Bach on his Skid Row 30th Anniversary tour, which I almost went to go see but decided not to at the last minute. Oops. Anyway, I discovered Stitched Up Heart and a handful of other groups and I immediately bought a bunch of albums. Stitched only had one record out at the time, but I soon discovered that they had a new one on the way. That sophomore record became known as Darkness, an album that I bought the day it was released.

In full honesty, my first listen to the new record was rather forgettable. Maybe I was distracted, or was just in a weird mood that day, but I wasn't feeling it the same way I was feeling their debut record. But as I sit in front of my laptop now, spinning Darkness again, I'm feeling it much more than I did the first time. The opening track, Lost, features Sully Erna, the frontman from the legendary Godsmack. Personally the song kicks in a little abrupt for my taste, I like an album opener to have more build up than that, but the track is killer. I don't know why Stitched didn't use "Lost" as the title track for the record, as the one they picked, "Darkness" falls flat. It's not a bad song by any means, but the album opener is just that much stronger.

Stitched grows but also stays true to themselves on this record, much like NYD did with their newest Unbreakable. Not to compare records, but both bands are very similar in style. They both have a refreshing brand of techno-pop-infused-metal that works surprisingly well. Which record you prefer depends on where you fall on the spectrum. If you want more pop, look to NYD. If you want more metal, look to Stitched.
Okay, tangent over.

Darkness is packed with fun tracks. Every one has a chorus that will get stuck in your head, and impressive instrumental work. I found myself focusing deeply on the drums in many of these songs, especially on "Dead Roses." There were two songs that were in close competition for my least favorite track. "Crooked Halo" is just plain boring to listen to, but "Problems" wins least favorite track because of the weak lyrics and annoying chorus. Might be mean, but it's my take. And if you've read any of my previous posts, you already know I'm a dick.

At the end of the day, this is not a platinum-selling record. But it is damn good. I've spun it twice already this morning. If you're looking to get into a new band that you can see for cheap ticket prices before they make it really big, Stitched Up Heart is a good place to look. I know I'm looking forward to catching them on tour someday.

Darkness - Stitched Up Heart

3 - 13 - 2020

1. Lost

2. This Skin

3. Problems

4. Warrior

5. Straitjacket

6. Dirty Secrets

7. Darkness

8. Bones

9. Dead Roses

10. Crooked Halo

11. My Demon

Favorite Track: Lost

Least Favorite Track: Problems

Rating: 7.6

Ordinary Man - Ozzy Osbourne

I don't know why I waited so long to crack into this one. As a huge classic rock/metal fan, I've always held Ozzy in high regard. Him and Rob Halford are like the founding fathers of heavy metal, and there's no denying that. With that being said, I also feel the need to say that while I love the man and everything he's done for the world of metal music, I don't find myself listening to him very often. Growing up I had a very select few of his tracks on my iPod. Two of those songs came from the last 20 years, while the rest were his early hits, and some of his stuff with Sabbath. Since 2000, I felt (granted I know very little of his discography in the grand scheme of things) all of his stuff started to sound very similar. Zakk Wylde-style riffs, hard percussion, campy, almost silly lyrics. While it's still very fun to listen to, and it works for many people on a high level, it just isn't the metal that I'm looking for these days. I keep looking forward, but this new record feels like I'm looking backward.

The opening track, "Straight To Hell," is a perfect example of Ozzy's campiness. If you watch the video, it's almost laughable. I watch it and wonder if the Ozzman even has any idea where the fuck he is. I was intrigued at first, the opening operatic vocal effect was an interesting hook to grab my attention, but the opening verse immediately lost me. The first line "All right now" was closely followed by a reference to defecating. Not exactly his best work. From there, the following two tracks are equally as forgettable. A memorable single from this record is the title track, accompanied with a really heartfelt video. It really made up for the laughable "Straight To Hell" video, and the "Under The Graveyard" video that looked like it was just pieced together with outtakes from all of Ozzy's scenes in The Dirt.

Ozzy pulled in some big guns to record this album, including Duff McKagan from Guns N Roses and Chad Smith from RHCP fame. There are also plenty of guest appearances on this record, including Elton John (why?), Travis Scott, (why??) and Post Malone (WHY??) Of all the potential guest artists I could think of to pair with Ozzy, these three never would have entered my mind. Not even close. Maybe on his next one we can get a cameo by The Wiggles. Rat Salad... yummy yummy...

I want it to be known before I wrap this up, that I adore Ozzy Osbourne. I love the man and what he has done for rock and metal. Many of my favorite artists today would not exist if not for him. In some way, Ozzy is like a crazy metal uncle that I always wished I had. But this record, Ordinary Man, is not the album I will remember him for in the decades to come. I searched this record long and hard for a memorable headbanger like "I Don't Wanna Stop" or a surprise tear-jerking ballad like "Dreamer," yet my search proved fruitless. While I was excited to dig into this record and give 5FDP a run for their money for metal record of the year, sadly, the Ozzman just did not cometh.

Ordinary Man - Ozzy Osbourne

2 - 21 - 2020

1. Straight To Hell

2. All My Life

3. Goodbye

4. Ordinary Man

5. Under The Graveyard

6. Eat Me

7. Today Is The End

8. Scary Little Green Men

9. Holy For Tonight

10. It's A Raid

11. Take What You Want

Favorite Track: Scary Little Green Men

Least Favorite Track: It's A Raid

Rating: 6.2

The Rebirth of AC/DC: 40 Years Later

This is a post that I hold very close to my heart, for many reasons. The main reason is, AC/DC was, is, and always will be, my favorite rock group of all time. They are such a transformative part of who I am and what I listen to today, that anyone who knows me personally knows that AC/DC and myself go together like peanut butter and jam. Of course you COULD have one without the other if you really wanted to, but you would know deep in your heart that just a peanut butter sandwich is boring and feels like its missing something. Well for many years, I was that peanut butter sandwich. Okay on my own, maybe a bit salty, but nonetheless okay. Until I discovered my jam. Pun intended.

Before I really get into it, let me say this: you never forget your first. My first time was in the parking lot at one of my older sister's lacrosse games. My dad and I were watching her play when it started to rain. I was just a kid and my old man wanted us to stay dry, so we climbed into the his old Honda. He turned the car on to get us warm again, and as soon as the radio roared to life I heard it: the bell. The hair-raising, bone-chilling resonance of Hell's Bell. Then that instantly-recognizable (though at the time, unknown to me) riff comes in. Then the drums and the bass. Suddenly, the raspy vocalist sings the line that would change my life forever: I'm a rolling thunder, pouring rain... I was hooked. "Who is this?" I asked my dad. "AC/DC," his reply. Moments later, a new song comes on. A fun bluesy number that I again did not recognize. That bluesy number turned out to be "Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution." Again on the hook, I had to know. "Who is this?" to which my dad again replied, "AC/DC." That was it. I needed more. As soon as we got home that evening I dug through my dad's CD collection until I found one with their name on it. And there it was: a solid black cover, emblazoned with the band name at the top, and only 3 other words: Back In Black. Within months of that afternoon sitting in my dad's car at a women's lacrosse game, I would have every AC/DC album or DVD they ever released. To this day, I'm still wanting more.

Enough about me. 1980 was a roller coaster of a year for AC/DC. On February 19th, they lost their frontman (and my favorite vocalist of all time) Bon Scott to alcohol poisoning. Less than two months later, the brothers Young decided that Bon would not want them to sit around and mope. They were born to play on, so play on they did. In April of 1980, forty years ago this month, they auditioned replacement singers, until they found ex-Geordie singer Brian Johnson. This is the key to their rebirth. The spark that allowed the phoenix to rise from the ashes. In many ways, this was a rebirth of rock & roll in general. Whether you, the reader/listener, are a fan of AC/DC or not, there is no denying that Back In Black is a landmark record. To this day it remains one of the highest-selling records of all time. They had already begun writing and recording some of the material when they were coming off the tails of their Highway To Hell tour, so somewhere out there in the world, there are recordings of Bon singing some of the songs from BIB and I can't think of anything I WOULDN'T do, to get my hands on them. I had a friend in college that didn't know much of AC/DC's material, save for the obvious radio hits. In fact, he had no idea that AC/DC even had two singers. (Technically more than two, but I won't get into that). When I showed him my copy of BIB on vinyl, he checked out the track list on the back. "Holy shit," he said to me, "Every song on here is a hit." Yup.

Back In Black is a record that, whether you realize it or not, everyone has a connection to. Some people have stronger connections than others, like myself for example, but everyone in the world knows the songs on this record. And to think we almost never got some of these tracks is a bittersweet thing to think about. It breaks my heart and warms it at the same time. Bon's death lead to the writing of "Hell's Bells" as a tribute to him, while Brian and the boys considered leaving "Have A Drink On Me" off the record because of the subject matter and how it played a factor in Bon's untimely demise. Then there is "You Shook Me All Night Long," one of the first songs Brian wrote with the band. The brothers may have had the riff while Bon still walked the Earth, but they didn't have lyrics for it. So Brian sat down and wrote about a car, not a woman, a car, and he was unknowingly writing what would soon be a massive hit single for the band. So when I think about AC/DC and the Back In Black record, I do it with a heavy, yet full heart, as I know it was the product of a horrible tragedy, yet it forever engraved AC/DC's name as one of the greatest bands to ever play. I could go on for hours and hours and endless pages of why I love this band. But I only wanted to scratch the surface of the importance of this record, and I think I've done that. My affliction and obsession for all things AC/DC is so deeply engrained within me now, that just this morning my own mother texted me "Happy 40th anniversary Brian Johnson!" because she knew her son would be celebrating. So thank you, Mom, for inspiring tonight's post. And while I certainly did not intend for this post to turn into a long review of BIB, I figure why not close with it. Before I leave you today, let me just say one last thing:

Ride on, Bon.

Back In Black - AC/DC

7 - 25 - 1980

1. Hell's Bells

2. Shoot To Thrill

3. What Do You Do For Money Honey

4. Given The Dog A Bone

5. Let Me Put My Love Into You

6. Back In Black

7. You Shook Me All Night Long

8. Have A Drink On Me

9. Shake A Leg

10. Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution

Favorite Track: Hell's Bells

Least Favorite Track: Shoot To Thrill

Rating: 10/10

Little Yachty - Sugar Ray

This is an album, hell, this is a band that I would never listen to off my own free will. And that can only mean one thing: this album is reviewed by request. A friend of mine is a fan of Sugar Ray, and when he first heard about this record he immediately requested that we listen to it together and we share our opinion of it with each other. Now before I get into it, let me tell you that I listened to the entire record, front to back, while this guy, a FAN of Sugar Ray, could only sit through the first 30 seconds of each track before skipping to the next one. If that tells you everything you need to know about this record, feel free to skip to the bottom of this post.

A major red flag for me going into it, actually, three major red flags, were as follows: 

Red Flag #1: Sugar Ray is a shitty band and they have a new album.

Red Flag #2: They named it Little Yachty, after a shitty rapper.

Red Flag #3: Mark McGrath, the lead singer of Sugar Ray, had said in an interview that he was very excited about this new album because it was unlike anything Sugar Ray had done before.

To be perfectly candid, it has been a few weeks since I sat through Little Yachty, so I do not remember everything that there is to know about the record. That said, any self-respecting blogger would listen to the album again before reviewing it, so it is fresh in his or her mind at the time of writing the blog post. However, to paraphrase my mother, life is too short to listen to bad music. Life is especially too short to willingly listen to bad music a second time, knowing full well how bad it truly is. And while it may seem unprofessional to simply call an album "bad," it is the full truth. My buddy had nothing good to say about it, simply stating "I wasted six minutes on that, got real bummed out, and listened to "Fly" until I felt better." I myself wasted the full 37-ish minutes listening to the whole damn thing. 

I will give them credit where credit is due, they can play, and Mark can sing. That is more than I can say for myself. However, they use their talents to create a long-overdue record that is truly forgettable, and they top it off with a cover of "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" that the world really didn't need. I think it's time that Mark and the rest of the world realize that there was a time for Sugar Ray, and it was over before the twin towers fell.

Little Yachty - Sugar Ray

7 - 26 - 2019

1. Highest Tree

2. Coconut Bay

3. Good Good Lovin

4. Trouble

5. Sunday Love

6. Perfect Mornings

7. All Of The Time

8. What The World Needs

9. Make It Easy

10. Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

11. California Gold

Favorite Track: uh... Coconut Bay... I guess...?

Least Favorite Track: The rest of them.

Rating: 1.6

Synic Selects Vol. I - Punk Edition

Hey guys, I know I just posted a new record review yesterday, but with COVID-19 keeping everyone locked in their homes all day every day, I'm getting bored out of my fucking mind and needed to do something with my time. Plus, tomorrow I'll be hitting my second week running this blog so I thought why not do something sort of fun to celebrate that?

Anyway, here's a new concept I came up with, where I give you guys a playlist of songs, ranging from some of my favorite jams to just whatever I happen to be listening to at the time that I want you guys to check out. I don't own the rights to any of these songs, so I won't be posting them here, you'll just have to find them yourself if you're interested. I would have made a Spotify playlist if I was a supporter of streaming services, but alas I am not. I buy physical. - I'm not a dinosaur, I just believe the artists deserve to be paid for their work.

For this first edition I wanted to throw some punk songs together, because I think everyone is feeling a little anti-government lately, and one of the best genres for shitting on the man is punk. This was a fun list to throw together, hope you guys give it a listen and tell me what you think.

So without further introduction, here it is.

Synic Selects Vol. I - Punk Edition

1. Back In The USSA - Barb Wire Dolls

2. California Uber Alles - Dead Kennedys

3. Pretty Vacant - Sex Pistols

4. Jennifer Lost The War - The Offspring

5. Sign Of The Crab - Evil Stig

6. Rise Above - Black Flag

7. We're Only Gonna Die - Bad Religion

8. Guilty Of Being White - Minor Threat

9. Beat On The Brat - The Ramones

10. I Fought The Law - The Clash

Bonus: White Punks On Dope - The Tubes

The Tubes were more of a prog rock band in their time, but that last bonus track is just something fun I tossed in there, because why the hell not? It was one of their more punk-sounding songs, so I thought it was a nice closing track. And this way some of the angrier punk doesn't leave a bitter taste in your auditory mouths, if you're not a fan.

Thanks for checking out Synic Selects Vol. I, stay tuned for Vol. 2, coming sometime in the future.

Age Of Fear - Storm Force

Now here's an interesting one that fell onto my lap. I very often get followed on Twitter by various unheard of bands that are looking to spread awareness and exposure. I get it, they're hungry, and they wanna get their names out there in any way they can. Out of respect for the aspiring artist and difficulty to make it in the industry, I always listen to their record on YouTube (if they have one) to determine if they're worth a follow-back. Now these guys came into my radar just yesterday, and admittedly I'm not as well-versed in the world of Canadian metal as I probably should be, so I had not yet heard of the group called Storm Force. Full disclosure, upon getting the notification I was followed by "Storm Force" I thought it was perhaps a 80s cover band that may have gotten their name from one of those obnoxious Facebook posts that pairs a word with your first and last initial. Or maybe they sat around in a circle and got high like That 70s Show, and one of them just said to the others "Yeah, man, we're gonna take the music world by STORM... We're gonna be a FORCE to be reckoned with, we just need a cool name..." To which his buddy replied, "Wait a minute, bro, I got it."

Mean jokes aside, I gave their debut record Age Of Fear a listen. Building into the first track "Because Of You" is a rather engaging intro, a cool and original riff that is very reminiscent of classic hair metal, mixed with some of the speed metal that came later with bands like Dragonforce. Wait, Dragon-FORCE? Am I sensing a theme here? Sorry, anyway the first track caught my attention. While it was not anything mind-blowing, it was rather catchy, and a decent start for a new band's first record, so I continued on. The instrumentation showed promise, yet I found the vocals to be rather uninspired, like he was just doing an impression of some of his favorite vocalists and had not quite found his sound yet.

The second track is what locked me into it. The record's title track, "Age Of Fear," showed much more promise and passion than the previous one. The vocalist was locked in, the beat and riffs were just, put simply, more fun. They were right to name the album after this track, though you know me by now I would've preferred they name the record after themselves. Later on, the vocalist was not as locked-in, making the chorus to "Dirty Vegas" sound a lot like "Dirty Bagels." Nevertheless, I finished the album and decided I had to talk about it.

Ultimately, as a whole the record was a fun casual listen. While I find myself in no rush to see these guys perform live, I'm glad they fell onto my lap yesterday. I have a lot of respect for them and what they are trying to do. The 80s hair metal scene is one of my favorite movements in music history, and these guys feel as though they are trying to revive it in a way. Maybe without the glitter and leopard print, which is fine with me. Moving forward I'd like to see them work on their slow songs a bit more, as the ballads on this record just didn't resonate with me at all. In fact, I'm even sorry to say one of them towards the end of the album was just plain bad. It happens, not every guitar-driven band can write a good slow song. AC/DC stopped trying way back in the 70s, and Van Halen's worst song of all time is "How Many Say I," an Eddie-solo ballad which he grumbles and mumbles his vocals over lazy piano. I'm not by any means saying Storm Force's attempt at a slow song belongs in the garbage bin with "How Many Say I," but it's certainly a track that I am in no rush to revisit. While it wasn't a perfect record, I find myself glad having listened to it, and I am interested to see where these guys go from here.

Age Of Fear - Storm Force

01 - 24 - 2020

1. Because Of You

2. Age Of Fear

3. Breathe - Words

4. Ember Rain

5. Ride Like Hell

6. Dirty Vegas

7. More Than You Know

8. Marshall Law

9. Different Roads

10. Ringside

11. Weight Of The World

Favorite Track: Age Of Fear

Least Favorite Track: Different Roads

Rating: 6.0

Halestorm 10th Anniversary - Halestorm

If you happened to have read my last post regarding Appetite v Van Halen, you may have noted my affinity for self-titled debut records. So it only seemed fitting to talk about a certain debut record that celebrates its 11th birthday this month. The debut record from Philly-based rock band Halestorm was unleashed upon the world on April 28th, 2009, and in the years since it has the ability to leave listeners with hearts in their eyes, magic in their ears, and for some, their dicks in their hands. Just this past holiday season, the band, which is composed of singer-songwriter-guitarist-pianist-bicon-rock goddess Lzzy Hale, her little brother Arejay on drums, guitarist Joe Hottinger, and bassist Josh Smith, celebrated the 10th anniversary of their debut record with a special anniversary edition release, which included the entire debut album in all its glory, along with a second disc of previously-unreleased demos. It also came with a beautiful full-color poster and heart-felt letter from Lzzy herself. The new artwork and colored vinyl were a nice touch for collectors, as well.

Now if you're half the fan I am, you were probably thrilled at the news of this release and preordered your copy as soon as humanly possible. If you would believe it, my preorder arrived at my house on the day of a holiday party I was invited to, and I arrived over an hour late because I had to get a taste of those unreleased tracks. I was only expecting an EPs worth of unheard material, so imagine my excitement when I found that Lzzy and the boys were giving us 12 new (or should I say old?) tracks to enjoy. All 12 of these demos were recorded in the years before their first album was initially released, so many of them sound right at home being packaged along with a remastered edition of that record. The tracks are all very early-Halestorm, and I mean that in the best way possible. They have all the charm and young hunger that their early EPs had, such as "(Don't Mess With) The Time Man," but they left out all the campiness and cringe that came with those early EPs, such as "(Don't Mess With) The Time Man."

Part of the charm that I truly love about these demos is how they feature the rhythm section moreso than some of their newer releases. While I do appreciate the face-melting riffs and impressive prowess of dueling guitarists Lzzy and Joe, it is really nice to have them cool down a bit and let Arejay and Josh keep the groove chugging along. "Who Do You Love?" does this exceptionally well, as it was damn-near impossible for me to write this and listen to it simultaneously without moving with that bass. The record isn't without its slow songs, either. And while it's no secret by now that I don't care much for slow songs, mellow tracks like "The Proposition" and hot-and-cold tracks like "Annabelle" remind fans that Lzzy can sing a beautiful melody.

Now if you're anything at all like me, you'll listen to this record and find yourself wondering, "How the hell did this not make it onto the debut album, but (INSERT LEAST FAVORITE SONG FROM HALESTORM HERE) did? This song is waaaay better than that one!" Well don't be like me. Don't me disappointed because you didn't get these songs sooner, be thrilled that they exist and you have them now.

Halestorm 10th Anniversary - Halestorm
4 - 28 - 2009

DISC 1

1. It's Not You

2. I Get Off

3. Bet U Wish U Had Me Back

4. Innocence

5. Familiar Taste Of Poison

6. I'm Not An Angel

7. What Were You Expecting?

8. Love/Hate Heartbreak

9. Better Sorry Than Safe

10. Dirty Work

11. Nothing To Do With Love

DISC 2

1. Hero (Reluctant Hero)

2. Not Afraid Of Losin'

3. Ride Or Die

4. Gypsy Grifter

5. Who Do You Love?

6. The Proposition

7. Tired Of Trying

8. Annabelle

9. Everyone Dies (Heaven Isn't Where We Belong)

10. Coming Back To Me

11. Not For Today

12. Still Breathing

Favorite Tracks New/Old: It's Not You / Still Breathing

Least Favorite Tracks New/Old: Better Sorry Than Safe / Everyone Dies

Rating: 7.8 & 6.6  -  Avg: 7.2

Appetite v Van Halen: The Greatest Debut Record in Rock History

Okay, here is something that has been debated time and time again since the late 80s. Who had the greatest debut album in the history of rock n roll? Now we could go back decades, hell, even a whole century and analyze every artist, every debut record ever, but after wasting all that time you're gonna boil it down to two options: Van Halen's Van Halen, and Guns N' Roses' Appetite For Destruction. I know what you might be thinking right about now, "Wha?! Led Zeppelin's first record doesn't even get mentioned?" No, no it doesn't. Shut up. Anyway, in this debate I'll be comparing VH and GNR's debut records as shallowly and as deeply as I can, and ultimately I'll be picking a winner when all is said and done. This is something I've toiled with for years, so the time has come for me to finally settle it.

Point 1: The Band Name

Van Halen. Simple, badass, named after two band members. Strong name.

Guns N' Roses. Annoying to type. GNR is a cool way to abbreviate it, though. Named after two of the original members, one of which left before the debut album was even released to kick-off his own band, which he also named after himself. Check out L.A. Guns if you haven't already. Now, the name makes no sense. I guess they decided Slashes N' Roses sounded too much like a Valentine's Day slasher movie.

Edge: Van Halen

Point 2: The Album Art

Van Halen's debut is broken into four squares, with a blurry picture of each member in their own square. The band logo is shown in the center. It's an iconic and recognizable cover, sure, but it also looks like it was hand painted and then left out in the rain.

Guns N' Roses' debut, depending on which cover you're looking at, is equally recognizable and iconic. For the sake of this debate, I'll be considering the more well-known (and censored) cover, which is solid black with the band name and album name each on their own ribbon draped across the top and bottom of the cover, respectively. In the center of the artwork is where things get interesting: theres a large gothic-style cross with the skulls of each band member taking its own place on the cross. Talk about iconic. And a badass tattoo idea, if you're down to clown.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 3: The Album Title

Van Halen's debut record is self-titled, and there's some element of charm to that. Personally, I'm a big fan of when bands name their first album after themselves. Only the first one. If you name a later album after yourself, you're either trying to reinvent yourself (Motley Crue) or you just can't come up with anything better (Weezer). Exception to this rule: Genesis. Some other key examples of great bands doing this are Boston and Bad Company. Fuck you, Led Zeppelin.

Guns N' Roses' debut is titled Appetite For Destruction, which is a super badass title. For anything. However, I do wish their first record was called simply Guns N' Roses, and that they saved A4D for their second or third record. Naming your first record after yourself shows confidence, and you're saying to listeners "Hey, this is who we are, this is who we come from. Remember the name. Like it or don't, we don't care."

Edge: Van Halen

Point 4: Year Of Release

Van Halen was released in 1978, a turning point for hard rock and metal. Appetite was released in 1987, in the mid-late stages of hair metal. That's all I need to say about that.

Edge: Van Halen

Point 5: Covers

Van Halen has 2 covers, out of 11 songs. Appetite has 0 covers, out of 12 songs. You do the math.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 6: Album Length

Van Halen is 11 songs, 36 minutes. Appetite is 12 songs, 54 minutes. That's almost 20 more minutes for the same amount of cash. Again, do the math.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 7: USA Billboard Chart Peak

Van Halen - 19       Guns N' Roses - 1

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 8: Sales To Date (may not be completely accurate)

Van Halen -  >17 Million       Guns N' Roses -  >30 Million

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 9: Career Longevity and Current Standing

Van Halen rose to power and became one of the best-selling rock groups of all time. Then again, so did Guns N' Roses. So how do they compare now? Well let's look at some quick numbers. Total VH studio albums? 12. Total GNR studio albums? 6. One of which is all covers, but we're gonna count that one anyway since VH has doubled GNR's studio activity. Currently, GNR has recently completed one of the highest-selling tours of all time, the Not In This Lifetime Tour. They are also said to be working on a new studio album. Van Halen, however, has been stagnant and sadly declining really since 1998. They have gone through three lead singers and one truly awful studio album from 2007 since then, but that is still more activity than GNR showed in that time. Nowadays, however, with GNR back in the spotlight, where is Van Halen? Eddie's health is sadly deteriorating and the band had to pull the plug on a 2019 summer reunion tour. If they ever see the stage again, who knows. So in a very very painfully close call, I have to give a point somewhere.

Edge: Guns N' Roses

Point 10: Sound Components

Harmonies?
Edge: Van Halen

Overdubs or 'live' recording?
Edge: Van Halen

Vocals?
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Guitars?
Edge: Van Halen

Bass?
Edge: Van Halen

Drums?
Edge: Van Halen

Lyrics?
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Finally, Point 11: Tracklist

Track 1 - Runnin' With The Devil v Welcome To The Jungle
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 2 - Eruption v It's So Easy
Edge: Van Halen

Track 3: You Really Got Me v Nightrain
Edge: Guns N' Roses -This one was really hard for me personally, as one is one of the most known and iconic covers of all time, while the other is a lesser-known hit. However, Nightrain is one of my all-time favorite GNR jams, and You Really Got Me is just a cover after all.

Track 4: Ain't Talkin' Bout Love v Out Ta Get Me
Edge: Van Halen

Track 5: I'm The One v Mr. Brownstone
Edge: Van Halen -Damn, another hard one. These are two of my favorite tracks by these two groups so it was hard to pick one. Ultimately, it came down to the bridge. Bop-badah, shoo-be-do wah...

Track 6: Jamie's Cryin' v Paradise City
Edge: Paradise City -Another close one! Only this time, it's close because these are two massive hits for the bands, and I really dislike both tracks. But I had to pick one. And while I never really cared for Jamie or her problems, Paradise City was my favorite GNR track as a kid, so point GNR.

Track 7: Atomic Punk v My Michelle
Edge: Van Halen

Track 8: Feel Your Love Tonight v Think About You
Edge: Van Halen

Track 9: Little Dreamer v Sweet Child O' Mine
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 10: Ice Cream Man v You're Crazy
Edge: Van Halen -I know what I said before about it being "just a cover after all..." but how forgettable is You're Crazy? I bet you're YouTubing it right now because you can't remember how it goes.

Track 11: On Fire v Anything Goes
Edge: Guns N' Roses -The last close one of these two records. On Fire was (and still is) a fan favorite for many, but I'm not one of those people. They even opened with that track at many of their shows on their first big tour. However, Dave's vocal performance just annoys me after a while on this one. Anything Goes just has a more interesting groove to it. So...
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Track 12: ......... v Rocket Queen
Edge: Guns N' Roses

Verdict: This is something that has been simmering away on the back burners of my brain for a long time. It's a very close call, and I would hate to know what my life would be like without having heard either of these two albums, but at the end of the day, I have to pick one. I listened to both records today, back to back, and focused on nothing else but the music. While it made working my day job rather difficult, one thing was made clear. And though it is a very quick listen, I have to give my vote for the greatest rock debut to Van Halen's Van Halen. I think I've already said everything there is to say about it, except the fact that Van Halen has become one of my favorite bands of all time since I first heard their songs on the radio. And while GNR will always hold a special place in my heart, there can only be one winner here, and that's the mighty Van Halen.

Van Halen

Favorite Track: I'm The One
Least Favorite Track: Jamie's Cryin'
Rating: 9.6

Appetite For Destruction

Favorite Track: Nightrain
Least Favorite Track: Paradise City
Rating: 9.4

Rise - Tom Keifer

Going back a few months for this one. When I first heard that Tom Keifer was putting out a new record, I couldn't believe it. I was psyched. It had been about 6 years since we last got new music from the legendary singer-songwriter, guitarist and pianist. His last record, The Way Life Goes was his first with the #KeiferBand, and it came in 2013, with a deluxe edition following in 2017. Tom had gone through a lot of shit since Cinderella inevitably called it a day in 1995. They reunited for tours here and there in the years since, like an on-again-off-again high school couple, Tom and his first wife got a divorce, and he had also gone through many vocal chord surgeries. For a while it looked like his days of being a rock n roll frontman were over. So the sheer fact that he now has two solo records under his belt is a huge victory for the man. And let me say that the world definitely missed him. His brand of hard-rocking blues-metal is unlike anything I've heard before. And when people think about the best of the "hair metal" fad, they always think Crue, Leppard, and Cinderella.

Enough about his past, let's look at where he's going. Like I said before, just the sheer fact that this record even exists is a huge victory for Keifer. Admittedly, my initial excitement to get this record may have clouded my judgement on it for a while. I heard the first single "Death Of Me," and I thought, "Hell yeah, this shit's like Cinderella 2.0! Welcome back, Tom Keifer." But after the record was released and I blasted it in the car over and over for days, the excitement faded and my blinders wore off. The truth is, #KeiferBand is not Cinderella. Evolution happens, and this is what Tom has grown into. Now when I listen to Rise, I find myself thinking that I like the fact that the album even exists more than I like the album itself. Don't get me wrong, here, the album isn't without it's bangers. "Death Of Me," "Hype," and "All Amped Up" are a few tracks to check out if you're looking for a knee-slapping head bobber. The riffs are fun, and they remind me that I would probably put Keifer on my Mount Rushmore of guitarists. His vocal performance is stellar, considering the countless surgeries he underwent to get to this point. His doctors actually told him he would never sing again. Well Tom has done plenty of singing since then, and he shows no signs of slowing down.

Except when he slows down. The ballads on this record are excellent reminders of why I don't like ballads, and why I especially don't like it when metal singers try singing a ballad. There are only a few exceptions to this rule for me, and none of them are found on this record. The title track "Rise" is probably the most listenable of the slow songs on this album, as it has a bluesy-gospel flavor that adds some much-needed variety to this record. Later, however, you'll find the painfully skippable "You Believe In Me," that lyrically is a beautiful dedication to his wife and the endless support that she has shown him over the years. Musically, it is painful to sit through. I will say that I admire how personal the lyrics are to the ballads on this album, and I do appreciate them for what they mean to Tom. However, as a fan of his and his music, the slow tracks on Rise fall very short from some of the others.

While I will keep listening to this album for years to come, it will never be my go-to when I want to hear Tom Keifer. I will always return to Night Songs and Heartbreak Station when I need my fix. With all that being said, I do enjoy this record, and I can't wait to hear what he comes up with next.

Tom Keifer - Rise

9 - 13 - 2019

1. Touching The Divine

2. The Death Of Me

3. Waiting On The Demons

4. Hype

5. Untitled

6. Rise

7. All Amped Up

8. Breaking Down

9. Taste For The Pain

10. Life Was Here

11. You Believe In Me

Favorite Track: Hype

Least Favorite Track: You Believe In Me

Rating: 6.4

Mother - In This Moment

I had to wait a week before reviewing this record to really let it soak in. In fact, this record is the reason I started reviewing albums in the first place. If it weren't for Mother and my sister kicking me in the pants, I wouldn't be doing this right now. So special thanks to my sister, Maria Brink, and the guys from ITM for getting me here.

Why did this album take so long for me to soak in? Well like any piece of artwork, you look at it once, walk away, come back to it, and you see it in a different light. You pick up on things you may have missed the first time around. For example, the first time I heard the new track "Legacy" was live on the Mother's House of Horror Tour in October 2019. Seeing it live, maybe the sound wasn't mixed great, or it could be where I was standing, but I could barely hear Mother Maria's vocals on it. I had no idea what she was saying. She said it was dedicated to her grandfather and other family and friends who served in the armed forces, so I knew it was probably pretty good, but after it was over I still had no idea. However, upon hearing it again on the studio recording, and again, and again, and again, I came to love it. Maybe it is because of my own personal connection to my grandfather and the armed forces, but it quickly became one of my favorite tracks. Even though it is one of the slower songs, and you know I hate ballads.

ITM's newest offering Mother is not my favorite record of theirs, nor will it ever be. Ritual may always hold on to that title for me, but with that said I do not want you to think I disliked Mother in any way. In fact, I loved it. Upon first listen, I thought it was pretty good, but upon second and third listen it grew on me. Since I'm not a fan of slow songs, I really don't care much for interludes either. To me they're just a waste of time. Mother starts off with an interlude, a cover, and another interlude. So in my ears the record takes 5 minutes before it truly starts. While I like their cover of Fly Like an Eagle, I don't see how it is truly necessary on this record. It's a slow start, and the Mazzy Star cover "Into Dust" gives Mother a painfully slow ending as well.

The album is the latest to be produced by the legendary Kevin Churko. If you don't know who Kevin Churko is, climb out from the rock you've been living under and check out literally every ITM record, every 5FDP record, the latest 2 offerings from Disturbed, Halestorm's Vicious, and many other titles. He's not the only guest star on this record, either. The album's second of three covers, a re-vamped edition of Queen's "We Will Rock You," features Lzzy Hale and Taylor Momsen of Halestorm and The Pretty Reckless, respectively. While this is NOT the Queen song I would have chosen for Maria and Co. to cover, it works surprisingly well. In addition to her stunning vocals, Lzzy Hale provides her best Brian May impression on a face-melting guitar solo. A later track, an original called "The Hunting Grounds," features Maria Brink's boyfriend (lucky bastard) and DED frontman Joe Cotella. All in all, Maria and the boys deliver a true ITM treasure, showing signs of growth for the band, as well as homage to where they came from. It's impossible to listen to this album without hearing some of ITM's early work, while also noticing some evolution and maturity coming over the horizon.

In This Moment - Mother

3 - 27 - 2020

1. The Beginning (Interlude)

2. Fly Like An Eagle (Steve Miller Band Cover)

3. The Red Crusade (Interlude)

4. The In-Between

5. Legacy

6. We Will Rock You (Queen Cover - feat. Maria Brink, Lzzy Hale, & Taylor Momsen)

7. Mother

8. As Above, So Below

9. Born In Flames

10. God Is She

11. Holy Man

12. Hunting Grounds (feat. Joe Cotella)

13. Lay Me Down

14. Into Dust (Mazzy Star Cover)

Favorite Tracks: Legacy & We Will Rock You

Least Favorite Tracks: Hunting Grounds & Into Dust
Rating: 7.8